Self-sabotage: the why behind it and how to conquer it

What exactly is self-sabotage? When behavior is self sabotaging it will create problems in the person's life and interfere with day to day activities and goals. Sabotage destroys or undermines something, covertly...and is directed toward one's self. One of the key reasons individuals self-sabotage is often due to a lack of self-esteem (feelings of worthlessness, feelings or beliefs that you do not deserve what you are trying to attain, or even self-hatred and self rejection). Thoughts and feelings like these lead to negative and harmful self talk, which in return fuels your fears and self-sabotaging behaviors. "Self" sabotage is used when destructive behavior is directed towards self and is a reinforcer of negative behaviors/feelings or thoughts. It stems from anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, rejection, and anger, most times. The lower a persons self-esteem is, the higher the risk of self-sabotage. Low self-esteem often leads to negative self talk where you begin to speak feelings of inadequacy over yourself. Reinforcing negative thought patterns, and toxic behaviors, more often than not, leads to delays in your destiny, feelings of increased guilt and shame and a tarnishing to your reputation and how people view you.  2. How to conquer self sabotage:Be honest with yourself. If there have been opportunties that you have prayed for, waited seasons for and when they come, you always manage to think the worse and make the worse out of the opportunity-you may have issues with self-sabotage. Acknowledgment is the first step. Accept that you could use some help building up your confidence, seeing and knowing you are worthy and understanding that God loves you, thinks highly of you and wants the absolute best for you.Once you accept that some of your behaviors and thoughts could be self-sabotaging, it is then time to RECOGNIZE the behaviors. At this stage you have to look within and ask yourself some hard questions: are there goals that you have set but you never accomplish them? Do you have little to no motivation, for things that you know are really important? Are you easily dissatisfied? Do you procrastinate and put off making decisions in certain areas? Begin to take inventory of YOU and your life. Begin to identify patterns and cycles that do not serve you, and that do not coincide with who you truly are. Part of taking inventory of self requires one to take a look, a serious look, at your emotions and beginning to understand them and start managing them. Self-sabotaging behaviors often stem from feelings of anxiety or extreme worry,  anger, self rejection or hatred, misidentity, and worthlessness. Your emotional responses are a byproduct of your thoughts. If you continuously think negative and toxic thoughts then your emotionality will follow suite, if unchecked. Always try to manage your emotions so that you do not commit or fall hostage to behaviors that can lead to negative consequences. Check your emotions before they get out of control. As I stated above, before the emotion happens, there is usually a thought. The emotion, that led to the negative and/or toxic,  self-sabotaging behavior, was more than likely caused by a negative or irriational thought. Be mindful of what you say to yourself. Negative self-talk can lead to negative and toxic emotions. Know the facts before you speak a thing and ask yourself, "is what I am believing rational?" Be aware of what you say to yourself when you are engaging in self sabotaging behavior. 

As you begin to become aware of the negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that trigger self-sabotage, you can better challenge them. Form a new habit: challenge negative thinking with logical, positive affirmations, positive self talk and the truth (not based off of what you feel). No longer assume...turn assumptions around and gain perspective...stop assuming. Positive self talk and thinking positively about what you can accomplish, what you can do, who you can be, where you can go, and all you can achieve will lead to new behaviors-healthy behaviors. You must remind yourself that you can do all things, all things through Christ, who strengthens you (mentally, physically, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually). When your gifts, talents,  skills, abilities, beliefs, and behaviors are aligned, you will begin to create the mental, emotional and physical states necessary to do anything you put your mind to and everything that you were created to do. Start with your thoughts....if you can manage and get a handle on your thoughts and then your emotions, your behavior/s will soon follow. Begin to restructure your thoughts.It starts with you. The change that you want to see, starts with YOU! What can you say to yourself, about yourself that is positive or encouraging and TRUE? Can you change the way you look at the situation and the people that are involved? Is it another route that you can take to get to your desired outcome? Begin to look at it from a different perspective-you can conquer self sabotage by monitoring your thoughts, feelings, beliefs about yourself and others, and by challenging every thought, feeling and behavior that stands between you and your destiny. Peace and Blessings to you all.

Sheena M. 12/23/19